It’s all a bit surreal for me. I was sitting in the back of a cab at 3 in the morning headed to the airport to return home. The taxi driver put on a CD, probably because he couldn’t speak english and the silence was a bit awkward. Immediately I recognized the intro of the song to be Linkin Park. The music quite anthemic and really fits as the closing song to a movie like Transformers or James Bond. This would be where the final montage with me in the back seat, in silence, passing by the king’s palace and throughout the dingy city of Bangkok. Peering out the window I watch the city I just saved from mass destruction whisk by thinking about how amazing I am.

Well maybe that’s being dramatic (and I’m not amazing at all) but I did feel nostalgic and reflective as I began my long journey home. Learning how to fight for human rights and social justice has been extremely tough on me. If you’re realistic you quarrel with some philosophical principles and the human nature to help. I began to write a few days ago about in my own journal about this struggle. Upon learning bad news I had to come to a resolution.

So here’s the entry:

Today is my final day in Thailand. Tonight (Friday night), I head down to Bangkok on the night bus and Sunday, I leave for home. My initial thoughts as I leave are to “miss” my bus and stay here forever but my family back home would hate me and I don’t think I could live with that, so I’ll board the plane as planned and return to reality where bills and school await me.

I absolutely love traveling without expectations. I recommend to those of you who are type A people and travel the world to loosen up on the schedule a bit. It will open you up to unexpected adventures. I changed my plans two days before I was supposed to visit the islands and the trip took a dramatic turn.

Father of this newborn died recently leaving him and his 3 brothers and sister alone with their mother.

For the rest of the trip I will be traveling home with a heavy heart. This picture is of a baby whose father died only a couple of days ago. The father left 4 kids alone with a mother who all live on the street already. The family would regularly be in attendance at the street ministry where Compasio would spend an hour each day talking and providing the children with a small amount of food. The people on the street say it was a boil on his face but it was probably something like the flu or a cold. The possibilities are endless. The fact remains, the kids are left without a father have a bleak future.

In addition to the father passing away, I also learned that the aunt (age is in the twenties) of one the babies Compasio cares for was raped and murdered only a few days ago as well. They have no idea why or who committed the crime. She was however involved with the drug and sex trade for several of years. Also, there were 9 homeless Burmese people imprisoned this week-their kids were left to fend for themselves. They, as of this afternoon, are still sitting in prison and the kids are running around town begging and collecting bottles for recycling.

When the experts say “create sustainability” and use buzzwords college students and professors speak of, I want so bad to make that happen in Burma and Thailand. My question to the academic world and those with greater wisdom than I is, how can “sustainability” happen in a place where a Burmese man tells me he ran from his own country because living on the streets in Thailand, illegally, is safer for his family? He’s legally not allowed to work, has no health benefits, cannot rent or own a home and is forced to live on the streets. If an organization were to advertise a product made by Burmese but operated in Thailand, they could be investigated and then kicked out of the country, not helping anyone. Maybe it’s a risk worth taking.

Quite possibly I am missing components of this because I’m an artist learning the nuances of development. In several conversations with the people working out here, there doesn’t seem to be any one solution that is working. In fact the only solution I see happening are organizations working just to provide the essentials of food and clean water. Maybe at this moment in time, that’s all we as westerner’s looking to help in someway or another can provide right now.

I can sum up how I feel in a small paragraph written by my friend Megan Byrd for eleho. She wrote:

We are the collective. Surfers. Students, Artists. Entrepreneurs. Idealists. We’re here to author change, expose honesty and pursue life for a people beyond conflict. For us it’s about more than doing good – it’s about doing right. It’s about being human in a world of inhumanity. We are the witnesses who must do more than watch. We are the privileged who are privileged to give back.

My greatest conviction is that I’ll just be someone who passes by and misses the issues lying in the cracks and crevices that hide within brief interactions. My biggest problem is that I carry the weight of the world when it’s impossible to believe that I could save everyone from their problems.

So as I conclude this trip I am leaving with less answers to more questions. J in Chiang Mai opened my eyes to the real problem being the distrust of all the people in Thailand (from an earlier post). My study of the book, The River of Lost Footsteps has revealed a history of betrayal and disloyalty for several hundreds of years which might possibly still be woven in the thread of this broken country. My trips to Mae Sot and Mae La have revealed that the problems are not easy to solve and that an easy package solutions that work in other countries aren’t always applicable everywhere else.

My personal resolution in all this is that there are hungry people who need to eat and who need to drink clean water. There are people who need immediate medical attention and protection from the dangers of a society capable of great evil.

J has been living in Chiang Mai for several years now. He is a tailor and a very good one. In 2008, Ryan and I by chance, walked into his shop in search for a good deal on a suit. His shop was the first we stopped into. We were very guarded about who to trust. As you might know, tailors in Thailand are as common as 7-11’s, Buddhist temples and taxi drivers. This by no means was going to be the only shop we went into that day. Instead it ended up being the only shop we’ll ever enter as long as it continues to run.

After some talking and half-hearted negotiating, J asked me about my shirt. I was wearing a Peace Love Life shirt which reads “BURMA” on the front and in the native Burmese script it says “Peace Love Life.” He asked if I knew it what it said and of course, I did. He smile and said “I am from Burma.” In about an instant, our guard was completely destroyed and a new friendship was to begin.

J took good care of Ryan and I that day. We came in several times for fittings and got our clothing tailored perfectly. Through our conversation with J we realized we knew a lot of the same people working in Burma, primarily, the team from Partners International.

After we got our blazers and suits, I convinced an Australian couple to come in and buy a suit and custom dress. My Aussie friends we headed to a wedding in a few months and were also expecting. J was kind enough to design and tailor a dress that would fit perfectly no matter how big her baby grew in her stomach.

Does this give you an idea of the kind of man J is?

J’s story is intense! He is from Northern Burma. He ran from Burma over 10 years ago. He spent time in Thailand illegally. He got his migrant papers 6 or 7 years ago but still works under the table (you’re not allowed to work good paying jobs as a migrant). He’s been in jail several times for being in Thailand illegally. He speaks several languages: Nepalese, Shan, Thai, English and Burmese to name a few. His family still lives in Burma. He has had to pay thousands of Thai Baht to avoid arrest and deportation. He’s not allowed to drive a motor bike in Thailand and if he does, he has to take all backstreets and allies for fear of checkpoints and being forced to pay more money. He’s tried leaving Chiang Mai to visit friends in other parts of the country. When he does he often pays off police officers up to 2,000THB(Baht) $60USD) only to be turned around and sent back to Chiang Mai also paying at least another 3,000THB avoiding jail and deportation.

Tonight, I went to say hi to him. Every time I do it ends up being hours of him telling stories. I couldn’t do it justice here. I recommend you visiting with him sometime. The stories where I see the most pain are about his father.

His father moved them to Northern Burma for a better education. They didn’t want to live in the hill tribes any more and they knew they needed a better education. At one time, before this military junta was in power, Burma had a wonderful education system. You can see it still in the refugee camps at times. Some people speak perfect english others are doctors and some are extremely talented musicians.

With a military in control of this control, everything in Burma has fallen into shambles. There is so much separation between all the ethnic groups. The military are all looking out for themselves rather than the good of the people. SSA (Shan State Army) make deals with the Burma Army and get paid to not fight them. The Burma Army runs around with no consequence and terrorizes villages all over. No one can stop them.

J started to explain how his father would try and please both sides, the SSA and the Burma army. The people were always caught in the middle. I could see J tearing up so I started talking. What I said was, “it seems like an impossible situation and something no other country can fix.” J perked up and agreed, “Bryan, what you say is right, ‘my neighbor cannot fix the problems in my household, only my family can do it.”

America cannot solve Burma’s problems or Iraq’s problems. All we can do is build relationships and love people. Beyond that, we create more problems like dependency and apathy by just dropping tons of cash in a country.  By sending in troops we miscommunicate our intentions and cause fear and fear is what ultimately leads to distrust.

J isn’t fooled by the hype. He isn’t apathetic as he is realistic. He has no home. Officially, he is a migrant with very few rights. He sleeps in Chiang Mai but how will he eat if he cannot work?

I don’t need much to remind me of the freedom I have. Fittingly, the 4th of July is this weekend. Never more am I in awe of George Washington stepping down willingly to set the example of government should look like. Even though we have several looming problems in America and all western countries, none compare to places like Burma, North Korea and the Democratic Republic of Congo.

I won’t patronize you with a cliche closing like “let’s not take for granted our freedom…” but rather encourage you to simply find hope somewhere in your life and maybe even be the inspiration of hope in someone else’s life. All J has to cling to is a hope that one day he will be free to live, raise a family without the ever present fear of death and have a place to call home.

Check out my tattoos. They’re my first. I like em.

My left wrist says “love” and my right hand says “hope” in Burmese. I’ve thought about doing it for about a year now. When I’ve made my trips into Karen and Shan State and even Chin State (various regions within Burma) all the men had tatts on their arms. For the most part they were prayers for safety, for courage, and for hope. They have no choice to be committed. It’s their lives for which they fight. I get to leave and return to America as much as I want.

Burma is engrained in my heart. For whatever reason I’m drawn to this country and I have no plans of stopping. At times it’s quite rough and I question why I get so involved. Bottom line, there are people in Burma who need hope and love.

I can’t speak Burmese yet and maybe never will. At least my wrists can tell them how I feel.

This week we are spending time with some people from Compasio in the border town of Mae Sot. Mae Sot is a very unique town. It is located directly on the Thai/Burma border. The town is quite diverse in culture and religions. You have the migrant community with the Karen and Burmese, you also have the Muslim district and then you have the Thai community. There is also this other community of people working to help the cause in Burma. Because of it’s proximity to the border people have been able to get directly involved here.

One organization that is making a huge impact is Compasio. They are a group with very big hearts. “We never say no to anyone” is a quote I’ve heard over and over again. They have taken in a few kids and committed to raising them. They also spend time with local street kids who beg in the markets. There are also a few families that they’ve begun spending time with and have invested in helping them and their kids.

Here is a brief description of who Compasio and what their organization does from their website:

Seeing a need, feeling compassion and acting with practical love on behalf of those who are poor, needy and at risk, this is the heart of Compasio. See.Feel.Act

When Allan & Joane, the founders of Compasio, first came to Thailand in 2001 while leading a Youth With A Mission (YWAM) outreach, they bumped into the issues of girls-at-risk, poverty and vulnerability, and the displaced peoples of Burma. They were shocked to hear that one of their sweet, smiling, female English students — barely in her teens — was being pressured by her mother and at immediate risk of being sent to work into prostitution.

Compasio was formed in 2006 to focus the issue of women and children at risk in Thailand. Most ministry is focussed on the migrant community and tribal groups living along the Thai-Burmese border, who are among the poorest and highest at-risk people groups of Thailand.

I personally enjoy these kids and I love what their organization is doing. I have thoroughly enjoyed our time hanging with them, their staff and the people they serve. Check out their site at http://compasio.org and find out even more about their team. They’re doing a lot and if you can donate ya should.