Closing Reflections As I Leave Thailand

It’s all a bit surreal for me. I was sitting in the back of a cab at 3 in the morning headed to the airport to return home. The taxi driver put on a CD, probably because he couldn’t speak english and the silence was a bit awkward. Immediately I recognized the intro of the song to be Linkin Park. The music quite anthemic and really fits as the closing song to a movie like Transformers or James Bond. This would be where the final montage with me in the back seat, in silence, passing by the king’s palace and throughout the dingy city of Bangkok. Peering out the window I watch the city I just saved from mass destruction whisk by thinking about how amazing I am.

Well maybe that’s being dramatic (and I’m not amazing at all) but I did feel nostalgic and reflective as I began my long journey home. Learning how to fight for human rights and social justice has been extremely tough on me. If you’re realistic you quarrel with some philosophical principles and the human nature to help. I began to write a few days ago about in my own journal about this struggle. Upon learning bad news I had to come to a resolution.

So here’s the entry:

Today is my final day in Thailand. Tonight (Friday night), I head down to Bangkok on the night bus and Sunday, I leave for home. My initial thoughts as I leave are to “miss” my bus and stay here forever but my family back home would hate me and I don’t think I could live with that, so I’ll board the plane as planned and return to reality where bills and school await me.

I absolutely love traveling without expectations. I recommend to those of you who are type A people and travel the world to loosen up on the schedule a bit. It will open you up to unexpected adventures. I changed my plans two days before I was supposed to visit the islands and the trip took a dramatic turn.

Father of this newborn died recently leaving him and his 3 brothers and sister alone with their mother.

For the rest of the trip I will be traveling home with a heavy heart. This picture is of a baby whose father died only a couple of days ago. The father left 4 kids alone with a mother who all live on the street already. The family would regularly be in attendance at the street ministry where Compasio would spend an hour each day talking and providing the children with a small amount of food. The people on the street say it was a boil on his face but it was probably something like the flu or a cold. The possibilities are endless. The fact remains, the kids are left without a father have a bleak future.

In addition to the father passing away, I also learned that the aunt (age is in the twenties) of one the babies Compasio cares for was raped and murdered only a few days ago as well. They have no idea why or who committed the crime. She was however involved with the drug and sex trade for several of years. Also, there were 9 homeless Burmese people imprisoned this week-their kids were left to fend for themselves. They, as of this afternoon, are still sitting in prison and the kids are running around town begging and collecting bottles for recycling.

When the experts say “create sustainability” and use buzzwords college students and professors speak of, I want so bad to make that happen in Burma and Thailand. My question to the academic world and those with greater wisdom than I is, how can “sustainability” happen in a place where a Burmese man tells me he ran from his own country because living on the streets in Thailand, illegally, is safer for his family? He’s legally not allowed to work, has no health benefits, cannot rent or own a home and is forced to live on the streets. If an organization were to advertise a product made by Burmese but operated in Thailand, they could be investigated and then kicked out of the country, not helping anyone. Maybe it’s a risk worth taking.

Quite possibly I am missing components of this because I’m an artist learning the nuances of development. In several conversations with the people working out here, there doesn’t seem to be any one solution that is working. In fact the only solution I see happening are organizations working just to provide the essentials of food and clean water. Maybe at this moment in time, that’s all we as westerner’s looking to help in someway or another can provide right now.

I can sum up how I feel in a small paragraph written by my friend Megan Byrd for eleho. She wrote:

We are the collective. Surfers. Students, Artists. Entrepreneurs. Idealists. We’re here to author change, expose honesty and pursue life for a people beyond conflict. For us it’s about more than doing good – it’s about doing right. It’s about being human in a world of inhumanity. We are the witnesses who must do more than watch. We are the privileged who are privileged to give back.

My greatest conviction is that I’ll just be someone who passes by and misses the issues lying in the cracks and crevices that hide within brief interactions. My biggest problem is that I carry the weight of the world when it’s impossible to believe that I could save everyone from their problems.

So as I conclude this trip I am leaving with less answers to more questions. J in Chiang Mai opened my eyes to the real problem being the distrust of all the people in Thailand (from an earlier post). My study of the book, The River of Lost Footsteps has revealed a history of betrayal and disloyalty for several hundreds of years which might possibly still be woven in the thread of this broken country. My trips to Mae Sot and Mae La have revealed that the problems are not easy to solve and that an easy package solutions that work in other countries aren’t always applicable everywhere else.

My personal resolution in all this is that there are hungry people who need to eat and who need to drink clean water. There are people who need immediate medical attention and protection from the dangers of a society capable of great evil.